Stop making the ask mean so much

Reader,

If asking a question is not a test of your value then why do we often treat it like one?

We think asks are a sign of weakness. Or worse, can reflect something about our identity or our worth.

One CEO begrudgingly shared she’d just lost a foundational client.

Knowing she needed to replace that revenue quickly, we discussed a plan to rebuild her pipeline. The fastest path to new business is always through the people who already know your value. I invited her to consider a short email to current and past clients letting them know she now had the capacity to solve a problem they were facing.

With her pressure dial turned all the way to the right, her response: “I don’t like asking for help.”

Except she wasn’t asking for help.

She was offering the value of her company to people who had already experienced it, appreciated it, and paid for it.

This is what our messy minds do. Before we even make the ask, we attach meaning to it. That asking means we are struggling or makes us look needy or reveals a weakness we don't want anyone to know about.

hen ,we amove to ttach ing a meaning around the possible answers to the ask. If they dsay no or don't answer at all we thinkpit means something about us or our value.

Suddenly, one email is a referendum on your worth. It isn’t. That's the messy mind at play.

An ask is simply an invitation for someone to consider the value you can offer. Their answer is information, not a measure of your success.

We think if they say yes, we are valuable. If they say no, we feel rejected. If they do not respond, the bully in our head starts writing the story of all of the negative things and reasons.

A recent New York Times article reported the most common habit of successful people:

They ask for help.

Help can mean different things. It can mean support, an introduction, or an opportunity.

Asking for help doesn’t mean you're drowning.

Asking for help is a rising.

You rise by asking because you know that asking is part of creating what comes next.

My research on high achievers shows that 72% of respondents hold back on taking action until they feel sure. Only 28% rate themselves high on their ability to act before certainty.

We often believe we must wait for the right moment. In reality, we may be waiting until there is no possibility of rejection.

Growth requires us to ask before we know the answer. Expansion requires us to tolerate uncertainty without turning it into a judgment about who we are.

The most powerful shift we can make around the ask is becoming less attached to the answer or outcome. This was life-changing for me and my business. When I let go of the desired outcome and stop imposing my imagined meaning onto that outcome the asks became progressively easier. And when I go a 'no,' I simply moved on.

A no does not diminish your value.

A delayed response does not make your idea insignificant.

And, someone’s inability to help doesn't mean you shouldn't have asked. Their response belongs to them. The courage to ask belongs to you.

This week ask yourself:

What do you want that no one can respond to because you haven't said it out loud yet?

Your success is not measured by the response to one question. It grows with your willingness to keep asking.

Rise to it.

P.S. My free Future-Self Index™ will help you see whether you are moving toward what is possible or waiting for certainty before you act. In 10 questions, you’ll gain a clearer view of where you are expanding and where you may be holding yourself back. Take the Future-Self Index™ assessment here.

One more thing worth sharing...

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